Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
