my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
