He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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