I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Semen is not good for contacts.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
