Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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