just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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