Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
