can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Operation Purity has been aborted
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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