You're so nebulous sometimes
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
