Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
