Well douche your snatch and let's go!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
