So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
