I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
