I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
