I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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