Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i've created a new STD.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
