I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
