The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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