We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
