Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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