i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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