Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
