She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
did i walk over a car last night?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize