Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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