Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
