I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
