Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There's always time for handjobs
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
