Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
