just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
