TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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