Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
