9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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