the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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