Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
bring money and cleavage
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
