As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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