I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
