Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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