Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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