I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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