Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize