Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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