We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
