I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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