Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
