Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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