who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
