i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize