I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
