I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
