I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
