I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
