It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
