So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
