her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
ttyl tear gas
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
