you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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