im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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