this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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