Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
