oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
