i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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