I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
