the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just found a bag of teeth...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
