Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
