I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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