im about as happy as oj after his trial
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize