So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My vagina just clenched in fear
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
