I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
