May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My dad just said "fuck circus"
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