it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
