he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
