he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
