god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
