I cannot find my penis.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
