I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
